Hi, I’m the Hierophant, and welcome to The Silicon Temple! I love weird, artsy, uncommon, and fantastic sex toys. If you can have an orgasm with it and marvel at the colors, design, or weirdness of it (not necessarily in that order,) there’s a chance I’m interested in it. I own a decent amount of toys myself, mostly silicon dildos, but this is my first go at reviewing and sharing my experiences in an organized manner.
Frisky Beast’s Euphoberia is a toy very close to my heart. It might have something to do with being a centipede trapped in a human body, or because I really, really love the aesthetic of chitinous plates, or maybe because bug monster penises aren’t a popular subject for toy designers. Maybe it’s because this toy is secretly the world’s biggest g-spot tease despite not looking like it’s shaped for it? Regardless, I’m making this lovely chilopod my first review ever on the Silicon Temple.
Before I talk about the toy itself, we’re gonna jump into the time machine and have a short history lesson – read on!
Drama abound in the fantasy toy community lately – fans of sex toys marketed towards monster, furry, and alien lovers are raising their fists (paws, tentacles, etc) to the sky and denouncing fantasy toy behemoth Bad Dragon’s poor business practices. This has actually been going on since 2014, when posts started circulating on tumblr with allegations of transphobia, support of real life bestiality, poor treatment of employees, overall rudeness from the BD staff, the works.
Some people – like me – shrugged and said, well, that’s shitty, but they make the best things to shove up my/my partners’ anus/vagina/mouth, and most larger companies are bad in one way or the other. Many people boycotted BD. There were only a small number of reliable fantasy toy companies on the market other than BD at the time. There was a hole – thousands of holes – that needed filling. The furry sex toy shortage was upon us.
The indie toy makers happily answered, and today buying a silicon fantasy toy is as easy as going to the cosmetics department at your local Macy’s, just with more horse asshole. And that brings us to Frisky Beast.
Frisky Beast makes mostly toys inspired by paleontology and extinct animals – typically dinosaurs – but they’ve branched out a couple times since they opened in 2013. The Euphoberia is one of those odd branches on Frisky Beast’s evolutionary tree, and it’s half of the bug-based dildo designs on the market today, the other being Bad Dragon’s Xar. Like most fantasy and furry dildos, the Euphoberia offers multiple firmness’s of silicon and sizes to choose from – in its case, Small and Medium are the only sizes at the moment.
My Euphoberia is medium firmness and medium size. My choice of size wasn’t hard at all – bigger is better. Medium silicon is my favorite from most makers and Frisky Beast’s medium firmness is one of the most pleasurable things to touch in the world ever, I swear to god. Imagine a gummy bear and a memory foam mattress had a one night stand, and their kid came out with weird armored skin – ok, wait, that’s fucking disgusting. Regardless, if you enjoy squishing things in your hand and have them bounce back, you’re going to wish this wasn’t a sex toy so you could bring it everywhere. Tough day at work? Squish the bug peen right there at your cubicle. The boss’s staring at you – not out of disgust or annoyance, but jealousy. (I figured this was just me being autistic, but the bf isn’t on the spectrum and has also commented on the sheer joy of squishing FB’s medium silicon. We’re all the same deep down!)
As expected of a toy designed after an arthropod, the Euphoberia is covered in ridges and bumps meant to resemble a centipede’s chitinous outer exoskeleton. I figured in anything but the hardest silicon the texture was only for decoration, but like a predator that camouflages to hide from its prey, this little fucker is deceptive. Even on medium firmness, the texture is definitely there, and it’s especially noticeable around the entrance to the vagina or anus (the latter less so, from my experience.) If you thrust with it, there’s gonna be a constant mental and physical reminder of the toy’s texture as it goes in and out. Leads itself nicely to fantasizing about things with that sort of texture, if that’s what you’re into. Otherwise it’s a bonus in the form of short and fast waves of pleasure. Awesome for anyone who likes stimulation on their labia or rectum, heaven for you texture fiends out there, generally a nice sensation. That said, the friction of the toy’s texture makes re-lubing a necessity for long play sessions. Gotta say this was somewhat of an annoyance, and I’m curious if it has anything to do with the delightful feeling of the silicon, but I can’t be sure.
The Euphoberia is tapered and goes in easy with a bit of initial lubing, it’s a damn good stretching or warmup toy for either vaginal or anal use. In the medium size, it actually manages to be quite filling when I take all of it, which is more than most of the other tapered toys I’ve tried can say. When I’m not thrusting, the Euphoberia gives a nice mildly full feeling that’s amplified a ton by thrusting/pushing down. It’s a good way to take a break from thrusting if your hips or hands are getting tired, but thrusting is where this toy really shines. The Euphoberia has a very delicate curve that makes its sublime textures tease the g-spot every time it moves. (I don’t have a prostate, but I assume it’s good there too.) “Tease” is the operative word here; since the toy doesn’t apply heavy pinpoint pressure, if you have a g-spot it’s not going to cause a squirtfest. It’s just gonna rub at the g-spot a little ever time one of the plates passes.
Ever had a lover nip and lick at your thighs before giving you oral? Hot and frustrating at the same time, right? Yeah, that’s exactly how the Euphoberia is. You will come when the toy is good and ready for you to, and the friction of the toy’s textures will make sure you can’t unnaturally ramp up the speed without needing a ton more lube. This is a toy that’s in it for the long haul – careful with your vibrator or stroker if you’re using one! If you don’t want to come until the “main course” of a larger dildo or cock so it’s that much better when you do, or if you wanna take it long and slow and have a relaxing time, this is a very good toy for that. Turn the lights down, set out some taper candles, close the sheer curtains, have the guy who plays Denny from The Room come in and interrupt you by jumping on the bed – maybe I have a poor idea of how to relax while getting off, but I know if you want to put off your impending orgasm, the best way to do so is to remind yourself of Tommy Wiseau’s ass. (That’s how I get through these reviews without tabbing out to look at furry porn. They should put that on lists of tips for people with ADHD. Tell all your friends!)
My two biggest complaints with the Euphoberia have less to do with the toy itself and more to do with Frisky Beast. First, their wait times on custom toys tend to be very long. There’ve been horror stories of people who’ve waited months without hearing anything back from them, but these stories have been few and far between since FB changed their custom color ordering to be a couple days out of each month. You can still get toys of any size or firmness outside of their custom windows – they’ll just be in a mystery color. FB’s “mystery” colors are really awesome looking, so it’s not a big concession to make unless you’re like me and have the obsessive need to theme all your toys.
On average, wait times for customs are longer than the older and larger toy companies like Bad Dragon, a few weeks to a month seems likely. I’ve personally had a preorder get skipped in the Black Friday sales rush and waited months with no response to my emails asking for its status, until I finally did some research and found out that their email filters sometimes picked up things they shouldn’t. I took my concern to Felicity on the forums as FB’s tumblr often informs customers to do, and she took initiative to resolve it. Things seem to fall through the gaps of what should be amazing customer service, and I hope Frisky Beast can fix/change their email servers and hire more people to keep track of their pouring schedule so they can keep on top of everything.
My other complaint… I want a bigger one! I guess that’s not a complaint – the Medium size is plenty for when I’m not feeling like putting on my size royalty crown and taking on the biggest hunk of silicon i own, but I love this toy a lot and I sincerely hope FB starts making large sizes for their toys soon.
Get this toy if:
You’re in need of a good warmup toy for other large insertables, you like textured dildos, you like stimulation of your vaginal/anal entrance, you were inexplicably attracted to the villain from A Bugs’ Life as a kid
Skip this toy if:
You dislike textured toys, you’re looking for a dedicated g-spot/prostate toy, you burn ants with a magnifying glass for fun